She seeketh wool and flax and worketh willingly with her hands. --Proverbs 31:13

4/17/2006

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. --Psalms 51:10-12


I have not been happy.

In the last 6 months, I have lost sight of the things that are truly important to me; my relationship with God, and my relationship with Sean and the kids. I have not been praying or reading my Bible the way I should. I have been grumbly and resentful with the kids and Sean. I just wanted to be left alone. Long story short, God showed me yesterday that if I kept walking around this house with the attitude that everyone should "just leave me alone" that was exactly what was going to happen. My kids were going to grow up resenting me, and would be glad to get away from me as soon as possible. Sean, not any time in the near future, but eventually, would just leave. That is not what I want.

SO some things are going to change, have to change, in my life and in my blog. I don't know exactly how I am going to get things back on track, but it's going to start with prayer and the Bible.

I am also starting a new devotional. It is called the Clean Heart Clean Home Challange The woman who runs this wrote a devotional (PDF here) that goes with the blog and everything. I briefly read a few of the devtionals on the blog yesterday, and every single one of them really spoke to my heart. I am looking forward to doing it, with a few modifications. Our garage was here before we were, my FIL built it to hold "stuff" they wanted to store but didn't have room for while they built their house. Now it holds absolutely everything that is "too good to throw away, but we don't need it in the house" from three families. It also holds an absolute abundance of snakes and mice. I refuse to clean that out by myself. So that won't be getting done, no matter how many lists it's on, LOL.

So far, that's my plan. As with all plans we humans come up with, it is subject to modification by the One whose plan supercedes all others, but it is a plan.

Well, there is other stuff I want to talk about, but this is already long, so I guess that's all for today. I'm sorry if it got a little too personal today, but that is also part of my push for change. More about that tommorrow.

4 comments:

e's knitting and spinning blog said...

If we don't plug in we can't recieve. Good luck:-) I think we all struggle with this.

Wool Winder said...

Change is good, especially if you're on the wrong path. Praying you will get back on track and be happy again. I like the new look with the underlined scripture in header. A good verse to read every day.

Titine24 said...

Thanks for reading my blog!!
As for your posting today -- Do you live in my head or what? I also have been dragging in the spiritual realm, and the kids have heard my voice saying, "Hush. Now go away." more than almost anything lately. I justify this blah spirit (and subsequent weight gain) as my "coping" with the non-sale of our house (270 days and counting on the market). We got a semi-rancid offer on the house on Good Friday, but today they rejected our counter-offer. Before I knew of their rejection, I whirled through the house like a happy dervish, cleaning and making things fresh as I went. I woke up today, realizing that I am holding my family hostage to my disappointed feelings. What right do I have to impose my immaturity on them? I feel like a renewal is coming on... (and maybe they will accept our counter-counter-offer).

Laura said...

There are so many factors involved in being unhappy. I hope that you are talking to your husband about your feelings and that he wants to be included in your quest for happiness. He needs to be part of that big picture of happiness and getting back to it. You are always in my prayers Jan - you're a dear person to me and a gentle soul. Don't be too hard on yourself - I really do feel inspiration from you and your gentle ways of sharing the Bible and Christianity.